Remember your best friend in grade school, yeah that one, the one you didn’t think life as you knew it would go on without them. Did you promise each other to be best friends forever… or at least hope that would be the case? I know that’s more for the ladies than the boys but even though me and my grade school and high school friends certainly didn’t cry our eyes out on graduation day and promise to be bosom friends for ever and ever and ever, still, there was hope, hope that we’ll continue to see each other, talk to each other and remain friends for the rest of our lives. If only we knew how long the rest of our lives were gonna be.

Back then, I think I had abandonment issues. I hated moving away, I hated when friends moved away, I would sink into a depression for weeks until of course I made new friends and the old ones faded into oblivion eventually. Even in my 20s, I still held on to the hope that all the wonderful friends I had were going to always be there in one way or another, and I didn’t quite learn how to move on fast enough. Until a about 6 years ago, give or take a year, I was always the one trying too hard to maintain the bonds of friendship between me and those who had for one reason or another moved away from me. I made the phone calls, left the messages, sent the emails and called occasionally to just see how they were doing.

I believe part of it has something to do with my African heritage and customs. People don’t move much back there. It’s very likely for one to be born and die of old age in the same town. Because of that, friendships last a long long long time, mostly a lifetime.

But this is America and if there’s one thing Americans do better than anyone else I know, it’s moving on. Even as a nation, we collective have a very short memory. We love you one day, we can’t stand you the next day. I include myself here because after living here for more than 12 years, I don’t think like an African anymore. Here in the great U S of A, patience isn’t our forte. Whether in politics or in Hollywood, you can be a star one day and worth of the stake the next. Its just how things work around here.

So, when my American friends move and for various reasons, some don’t seem that interested in maintaining the level of friendship we had when we had it. I used to take it personally but not anymore.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to let go easily and faster. I don’t have the same abandonment issues I used to and I definitely don’t take it personally. Strangely, my Kenyan best friends are still the best friends I have even though I haven’t seen most of them in 12 yrs. Even though we’re miles always from each other, we call, we talk, we email, we text and we live on like distance never happened between us. Of the many fiends I’ve met in the USA in the last 12 yrs, only a handful are still in my life. The rest have moved on and nothing I did worked to rekindle those relationships.I gave up trying. I also now understand that not all friends are forever.

Sometimes, people just move on and get on with their lives and it has nothing to do with you or me. Its’ them. And that’s OK. Sometimes, people stay for a long long time no matter the distance or time and that is a great thing.

What I’ve learned is to let go those who want to be let go and treasure those who want to be treasured, and hold nothing against those who choose not to maintain the friendship we once had.

It’s a happy place to be. I can focus on building new relationships without the shackles of the old ones that I want to hold on to. We all know that it’s impossible to be in a healthy relationship when you’re still relishing the old one you don’t have anymore.

So, friends, some friends are not forever and when it comes to letting them go, let them go and create room for new ones. There’s always new ones and they need your friendship as well. After all, they’ve also had to let go of some friends and they now have room for YOU !!